February 1, 2010 : Happy Anniversary

Bonjour!

It's February, cold as hell but what a month! And it is starting off today with a bang, as it is my sister (and her husband)'s wedding anniversary!

35 years ago today, they were married at St. John's in the Bronx. The church was so full that day, you'd think the Pope himself was saying the Mass. The sun shone, the bride was beautiful and the groom handsome. Kids were hanging off the railings outside and in, like some rock stars were getting married.

It was a week before my thirteenth birthday and my big sister was getting married, leaving me on my own with my 5 brothers. ouch! But I got to wear a gown (mint green though it was - sorry, Dor!) and that was great. And I got to wear (again, mint green) nail polish, which my father was too nervous to comment on (nothing short of a miracle,) so that was cool. But then the hair salon gave me a Patty Duke puffy hairdo and that was definitely NOT cool. It seemed like the whole bridal party was fighting to undo my do... and it was not at all clear at first who would win. In the end, the hair let up a little, and the hat (!) helped also. The wedding was a great success, a beautiful day was enjoyed by all, and something magical had begun.

My sister and her husband went on to have a family...the kind that doesn't happen by accident, the kind that is cultivated and cared for, the intentional kind. Three beautiful children later (her daughter Lauren's wedding shower was this past weekend - sorry I not able to be there physically, at least I was in spirit!), this family is still growing in love. I am lucky to have them, each singly and together as a collective, in my life.

So how the heck are we related? ;-) My sister and I are very different. I am childless, single, and not prone to roots... houses, maybe, but not roots. My sister is stable and solid, the Gibraltar on which her family is founded (actually they form sort of a Team-Gibraltar, she and her husband.)

DNA is a funny thing. Most of our cells would be identically alike if studied in a lab. And yet our lives, the expression of our choices, are literally thousands of miles apart. And thank goodness for it!

I used to tease my sister, saying she grabbed all of the marital-happiness-gift in our family, leaving "the rest" to the rest of us. But maybe how things turned out had nothing to do with DNA, nothing to do with how we were brought up, nothing to do with the circumstances of our stories. Instead, maybe it has everything to do with our choices.

My sister chose what was (and still is) important to her. She placed that at the center of her life and carefully cultivated it, nourished it and valued it. The result is a beautiful family, and a rich life. I congratulate my sister and her husband (my brother, by now - I got over being mad at him some 33 years ago! lol) both on that.

And today, on the occasion of their 35th wedding anniversary, I thank my sister and her husband. Not just for a wonderful memory these many years later. Not just for the beautiful people they are and the beautiful family they have raised, adding to the quality of life of countless others, including me. But also I thank them for showing me that our lives are the sum total of our choices. That there is no accident, that there are no victims, that we each are wonderfully and amazingly responsible for how we "turn out".

Because if that is true, great news! The game is not over until it is over. And I have some choices to make!